Incautus
by frozencinders
Summary: During his first night, he'd realized what the neighbors had meant when they said the screaming was nothing to worry about. He simultaneously understood that, as well as the reason they appeared to pity him, as Kakuzu had been unlucky enough to get the apartment right under the one in question. (modern au, PWP)


When Kakuzu had first moved into the apartment complex, he'd been almost concerned when the inhabitants warned him that he would likely hear screaming every night. When he asked for elaboration, they said it was nothing to worry about and to try his best to get used to it as quickly as possible. The old miser's mind immediately took a few too many disgusting turns, and he heavily considered buying earplugs just in case.

During his first night, he'd realized what the neighbors had meant when they said the screaming was nothing to worry about. He simultaneously understood that, as well as the reason they appeared to pity him, as Kakuzu had been unlucky enough to get the apartment right under the one in question. The screaming wasn't horrified, pained, or seemed to have anything to do with sex, as Kakuzu had first suspected. It was just angry shouting, which the miser could relate to. Of course, he'd never actually shout out loud, for appearance's sake, but he'd certainly like to.

After his first few nights, Kakuzu learned to vaguely recognize words among the muffled screaming using syllables and what he heard as emphasis. He unwillingly learned things about the person above him, and was vaguely disgusted when he realized he was actually interested. He convinced himself that it was most likely a case of simply being interested in human psychology in general, rather than in this specific, particularly obnoxious human.

Referring to the person who lived above him as simply a human started to wear on Kakuzu's nerves a tad, so he waited until he caught one of his neighbors in the stairway to ask about the person.

"Oh, that's just Hidan," the woman with dyed blue hair answered, "he shouts a lot, especially when he has friends over."

"He actually has friends?" Kakuzu asked, somewhat unable to process the idea. If the man could probably be heard from three buildings over, it wouldn't make sense for anyone, especially multiple people, to willingly get up close to him.

"Yes, and they don't get anywhere near as loud. I do often hear laughing whenever he shouts when they're over, though." An image of a stand-up comedian screaming his jokes at the top of his lungs entered the miser's mind. "Anyway, I have to leave for work. You can talk to him, if you'd like. I'm sure he's relatively harmless, if you don't count the possibility of going deaf."

Kakuzu mulled over the idea as he walked back up the stairs, wondering if it was worth it to take the extra steps to meet the loudmouth. Curiosity got the better of him, and he continued walking past his apartment, onto the one directly above his. The miser knocked, hearing a surprisingly quiet curse as something hard was dropped onto the floor and footsteps approached the door. It opened, revealing an appearance completely unlike what Kakuzu had been expecting.

Narrowed, pink eyes resting under silver, slicked back hair appeared before him, again with unexpected silence. The man said nothing, inspecting the miser in front of him. Kakuzu's sight traveled lower, and he noticed Hidan wasn't wearing a shirt, and had a necklace with a simple looking charm of a triangle inside of a circle.

"What the fuck do you want? I'm doing something, here," he greeted in a thick, Jersey accent. Kakuzu allowed himself to simply stand there and be confused for a brief moment before realizing he hadn't come up with a reason to visit the man.

"What exactly were you doing that requires contacts and no shirt?" he asked, wondering if the loudmouth was older than he looked, or dyed his hair as well.

"I don't wear contacts, asshole, they're my fucking eyes!" Kakuzu struggled not to snicker at the pronunciation of the insult, surprised once more when he noticed he mostly didn't even mind that it was directed at him. "I repeat, what the FUCK do you want?"

"You dropped something before you opened the door. I've noticed the sound before and decided to ask if you could choose between throwing things and yelling. Nobody wants to hear both."

"It was an Xbox controller, dickhead. Controllers get dropped and thrown all the fucking time, they're practically fucking built for it at this point." Hidan's tone was rather calm for how much he swore, and Kakuzu doubted anyone had ever caught him off guard so often within such a short period of time before him. He still found the man annoying, but somehow, it was entertaining to listen to him.

"And what exactly were you playing? Call of Duty?" Kakuzu wondered by the other man's expression if asking if someone played that series counted as an insult. Or perhaps he'd gotten the name wrong, as the miser didn't care much for video games.

"Come on, asshole, I'm a piece of shit, but even I don't hate myself that much." Hidan emphasized by opening the door fully and stepping aside, revealing a paused, blue tinted television screen. Kakuzu didn't have to tell the man he couldn't tell the screen apart from the previously mentioned series.

"It's Dead Space, with monsters and shit. It's got fucking jump scares, which is why I've been throwing the controller a lot. Throwing the controller also results in me dying, which results in me throwing the fucking controller again. Real great fucking way to make money, these game developers are fucking geniuses." Kakuzu actually agreed whole-heartedly, but assumed Hidan was being sarcastic.

"I actually came over to find out if I believed that woman who dyes her hair when she said you actually have friends," the miser said as he remembered his conversation with her, "I've come to the conclusion that she must have mistaken exterminators or plumbers for your friends."

"Fuck off," Hidan responded, "what's with that ugly ass mask, anyway?"

Kakuzu went silent and narrowed his eyes at the mention of the cloth covering the lower half of his face, and he was vaguely impressed when Hidan simply glared right back at him, not intimidated in the slightest.

"What's wrong, asshole, think you look scary with that thing? No matter how ugly you are, it couldn't possibly be worse than that piece of shit," he said, and Kakuzu wasn't sure whether to interpret it as an insult or a motivational speech. Hidan's hand went up to grab at the mask, and the miser's own hand immediately went to the loudmouth's throat.

"Jashin, calm down," he suggested more than begged, as he seemed oddly unenthusiastic about removing Kakuzu's hand. The miser pushed him against the door, shoving it completely open as he tightened his grip slightly.

"What, did you run out of swears and have to invent your own?" The man made a raspy noise as his shoulders shook slightly before he remembered he now had to put effort into speaking. He gestured to his necklace with the hand that wasn't gingerly placed on Kakuzu's.

"Religious," he paused to breathe, "asshole."

As they stood in silence, Kakuzu noticed Hidan's eyes flutter closed as he slumped a bit and slowly brought his knees closer together. Kakuzu's glare returned to a normal stare, and he found himself surprised for what seemed like the quadrillionth time as he realized what the loudmouth's body language was indicating. He loosened his grip slightly, allowing Hidan to speak easier.

"If you're gonna do this shit," he paused to breathe again, "close the door."

The miser obliged as he moved Hidan to the wall behind the previously open door. Kakuzu then gave into his curiosity again, deciding to play around just a bit with the man.

"Do what, exactly? Are you such a generous person to warn me not to get caught for murdering you?"

"Murder implies you killed without a valid reason," he informed, dodging the question as his legs started to shake, "someone pissing you off is always- nn, fuck- a good reason to kill them..."

"A jury would see it differently," Kakuzu apprised back at him, experimentally leaning in closer, "now answer the question."

"Fuck me," he answered simply, with hardly any hesitation. Kakuzu was taken aback once more, momentarily unable to tell if Hidan meant what he said literally or if he was just swearing again. As a test to find out whether the man was being literal or figurative, Kakuzu slowly lowered his mask with his free hand, revealing stitches on the sides of his face that never quite healed the way he wanted them to. Hidan made some strange noise at the sight that didn't sound disapproving in the slightest, and Kakuzu was getting quite tired of being surprised.

The miser slowly applied pressure between the loudmouth's legs, free hand roaming down to rub entirely too gently at the skin just under his waistband. Hidan whined as Kakuzu moved his hand to the side, providing friction for his innner thigh rather than the place he wanted it most.

"Come on, asshole," he whimpered, tone finally sounding close to begging, "nobody actually fucking likes foreplay when they're- ah, in the thick of it..."

Kakuzu mentally shrugged, deciding as he moved his hand to where Hidan wanted it that he liked the man's moans much better than his obnoxious yelling. He could feel that the loudmouth was already close, and let go of him completely.

"Where's your room?" he asked, feeling less than aroused at the idea of sleeping with someone with a paused video game in the background.

Hidan stood there, leaning against the wall with his head tilted back as he stared up at the ceiling, dazed and panting. Kakuzu pulled his chin to force him to make eye contact again, which Hidan seemed to have no problem with. He took another minute to catch his breath before leading the miser to his room. The loudmouth finally thought to ask for Kakuzu's name as he was being pushed against the wall again, either finding something amusing about the name or enjoying the rough treatment.

"What was the point of coming to my room if we're not even gonna use the bed?" Hidan inquired, smile indicating he wasn't complaining. "Were you afraid the fucking motion sensor on the Kinect would watch us or something?"

"Do you always fuck strangers you've only just met?" Hidan's attempt at an answer was interrupted by a quiet moan as the small bit of clothing he wore was removed.

"Hot strangers? Sure," he joked, licking his lips as the miser carried him over to the bed. They ended up in a somewhat awkward position as Hidan refused to unlink his legs from around Kakuzu's waist when the taller man tried to set him down.

"Do you want me to get undressed or not?" The loudmouth thought for a moment before smiling again.

"Nope," he answered, "fuck me with your clothes on."

The ease with which Hidan told Kakuzu what he wanted was quite refreshing to the miser, as his previous partners would always act tough outside of the bedroom and then start blushing and acting reluctant once any article of clothing came off. Kakuzu didn't have the chance to unzip his own fly before Hidan had done it for him.

"What, you don't want to be prepared?" he asked, mustering most of his self control to keep his hips still as Hidan rocked against them.

"What part of the whole choking me 'til I'm hard thing didn't indicate I'm into a little bit of pain? Fucking spit on it or something." Kakuzu was tempted to argue that it wouldn't be a 'little bit' of pain, but decided to let the shorter man figure it out on his own as he did as Hidan said. The loudmouth was left speechless- an oxymoron the miser wasn't sure he found pleasing- as he tried to adjust, whimpering whenever Kakuzu budged at all. He stopped moving for a moment, urged on again when Hidan gave him a breathless "Ok."

The pace was slow and relatively gentle for all of twelve seconds before Hidan gave a rather soft incitement of, "Come on, faster, Kakuzu..."

The way the shorter man said his name made Kakuzu want to do literally anything but disobey, so he obliged with the roughest pace he could manage, earning a loud groan followed by a chain of swears. The frantic whispering in his ear and the nearly incoherent begging for more pushed Kakuzu over the edge faster than anyone else had. Luckily, Hidan had already been close as well, his cursing slowing down as he rode out the high.

The next morning, Kakuzu, as well as everyone else in the apartment complex, heard the usual yelling from Hidan's apartment, which was later explained to Kakuzu as Hidan realizing the miser hadn't stayed the night. He found it almost as endearing as it was annoying, half-joking that he would stay next time without actually expecting there to be a next time. Of course, it was that same night, followed by almost every subsequential night that they knew each other.


End file.
